She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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