so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
