We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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