Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Randomize
