im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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