1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
