Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
