Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
