I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
