her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
