Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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