girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
