At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
