my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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