My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize