just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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