dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
