I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize