I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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