Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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