ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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