A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The best revenge is premature balding
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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