I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
