Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
