similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
