I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
