Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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