I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
