I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
