it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
