I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
