so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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