okay pat passed out under dana's car
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
