Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
