It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
