cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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