You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
