Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
