i just had sex bonerless
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
