Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
