hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
