i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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