But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
