We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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