And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm getting married
To pizza
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize