I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
