Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
