I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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