They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
