I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
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