two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
