i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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