Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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