Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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