Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
