i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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