Only a mothe r could love this liver
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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