apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
