Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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