So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's blow job season.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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