You smell like stripper and shame
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
