So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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