It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
