we have officially lost it.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im holly from the hills drunk
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
