I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
