How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
