So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
