Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
