So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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