thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
