3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
