What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
