We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you made out with another girl for some wings
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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