i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
