and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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