The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
