can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
