Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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