i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
