So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
