Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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