farters have to be the big spoon...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
