What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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