I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
