On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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