I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
