wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
